CrossFit: A Body/Mind Transformation

Every time I hit the gym, I am amazed at what my body can do. When my body is convinced that it is finished, it goes another round. When my mind is distracted, it grabs onto the bar and pounds out one more rep. And when it is all over, I collapse...amazed.

Every. Single. Time.

I am continually amazed that I can walk into a gym and not relapse (it helps that our gym has no mirrors). Eating disorders are like that. Those of us in "remission" have to be forever mindful of our bent toward self destruction...how it creeps in slowly, flips a switch, and BAM! CrossFit, because it focuses not on body image but on body production and functionality, has proven effective in not only keeping the beast in the cage, but also taming her ferociousness.

After 8 weeks:

My arthritic knees are improving. I can air squat full range of motion, butt to the floor, feet flat on the ground.

My balance has returned. Oh, I still run into walls or door knobs every now and then, but I can actually hold a few yoga positions. Not too shabby for someone who once fell over when she closed her eyes.

My core is stronger. Obviously, the hysterectomy last summer helped in this regard, but my posture is better than it has ever been. I don't slouch anymore because my core can actually support my spine.

My body is cleaner. What does that even mean?!?! Well, apparently my body is detoxing itself (and no, I didn't do some freaky-deaky colon cleanse or liquid diet). Last week was a particularly gruesome week of workouts, and every single time I went to grab a workout shirt from the pile (I tend to re-wear them because, hey, they're already dirty, right?), we were confronted with the particularly undeniable odor of cigarette smoke. I haven't smoked for about 4 years. After a bit of research, we learned that nicotine is stored in fat cells. As my body is converting fat to muscle, it is releasing all the toxins stored from my days as a smoker. Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I was basically sweating nicotine, which would also explain some increasingly disturbing urine colors I had last week, despite my consumption of vast amounts of water.

I can now complete a 20-inch box jump. I still workout with an 18-inch, but I can actually jump high enough to clear the 20-inch box.

I can do one double under (jump rope...two turns of the rope for every jump. Tim is getting quite good at these).

I can now invert my body without losing consciousness. As my heart gets stronger, it has the ability to force blood into my extremities when I am upside down. This is a vast improvement for someone who lost consciousness regularly. With the hubs holding my ankles, I can actually do a static handstand hold for 20-30 seconds...and not even get dizzy.

My recovery time after a workout is shorter. Workouts that once took 15-20 minutes of recovery time now only take 5-10. This basically means I can push myself harder now.

I am stronger physically. I set a personal record on the clean last week. 4 weeks ago I was at 55#. 2 weeks ago I hit 75#. On Saturday, I hit 85#.

I am mentally stronger. Last week, during a particularly difficult workout, when I was confronting my personal demons of recent loss, I broke down. I cried...long and hard. I walked out of the gym and just cried. After my husband finished his workout, he said something I already knew to be true: "You know you have to go in there and finish." He was right. I didn't know how I was going to do it. But I did. Tears falling on the barbell rack and the floor, I completed five rounds of back squats and dips...all while using a personal best of 111# on the bar.

Simple Woman: April 26, 2010

Outside my window...weeds...and really tall grass that will get mowed today. Some pretty hypnotizing shadows dancing on the fence.

I am thinking...about my boys. I am always thinking about my boys, even when other thoughts float around, they only mingle with thoughts of my boys. But I am also thinking about the opportunity I had yesterday to sing "How He Loves" and how the truth in those lyrics makes every thought bearable.

I am thankful for...coffee. Really, does anything else need to be said?

From the kitchen...we finally made homemade oreos (or faux-reos, as the hubs called them). That was just a little bit of Heaven right there.

I am wearing...the scars and bruises of a tough week at the gym. It was all worth it when on Saturday I reached a personal record on the clean: 85#!!

I am creating...I whole lotta trash for the city. We are getting rid of a bunch of stuff and just streamlining everything for the move. As far as I am concerned? We could just bring an air mattress and start from scratch. That's how much I want to start over.

I am going...to learn German before we move. I mean it. I am. You just wait and see.

I am reading...the Psalms from back to front. As much as I love the Psalms, I also know this is the only way I am going to make it through the entire book. I never knew how awesome the last few were. Seriously, how can one read about how great God is and still be discouraged? (That's a rhetorical question not meant to spark debate).

I am hearing...the neighbor's lawnmower. The engine is harassing me...

Around the house...guitar stuff...everywhere. The hubs and I played during the worship services yesterday, which means I spent the week practicing...which means there are picks, cables, guitar cases, charts, etc. throughout the house. Looks like I'll be cleaning that up, too.

One of my favorite things...throwing the football in the backyard. Margot, the corgi, loves this activity, too. She sprints the distance between us with every throw...eventually throwing slobber in the wind. She will eventually get so tired that she will squat and pretend that she is peeing just so she can rest. We have even taught her "Down! Set! Hike!" And every now and then we will sneak in an extra command to try and throw her off: "Down! Set! Bluuue 52! Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Hike!" Hilarious!!

A few plans for the rest of the week: detailing the car for a potential buyer; yardwork...lots of it; promoting my honorarium site for the Susan G. Komen For the Cure site. I am trying to raise $1000 dollars in honor of my friend and survivor, Heather. When I do, I am shaving my head.

Here's a photo I am sharing...Margot panting furiously after football:

Simple Woman: April 19, 2010

This morning, when I opened my laptop, bound and determined to write because I am a writer and Lord knows I haven't been all that motivated lately, I hit the wall. That blank, mocking, belittling wall of nothing...or everything...that keeps writers from writing. And I thought about just closing the laptop and folding laundry, or wasting a couple hours traveling the world in JewelQuest.

Obviously, that didn't happen because here I am. What did happen was Simple Woman. A couple of blogs I follow post regularly about Simple Woman, and when I saw one of those posts today, I just decided it was an easy way to keep writing. After all, I may not be able to isolate enough thought to write from scratch, but surely I can finish a couple starter sentences, right?

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FOR TODAY

Outside my window...I see nothing because I haven't even opened the curtains yet. A few minutes ago I did hear the lilting lines of two birds, reminding me that even if I do sleep in late, joy still comes in the morning if I let it.

I am thinking...about the soreness in my arms after yesterday's workout involving pull-ups, sprints, and handstands. Every day I hit the gym, I feel stronger and more solid, but in the midst of the workout, I often wonder aloud, Who makes this crap up?

I am thankful for...the gift of music because no matter how bad it gets, I can always pick up my guitar and feel better.

From the kitchen...a whole lot of dirty dishes, but in a couple hours I will be prepping Thai peanut sauce and beef satay for dinner tonight. It's a new recipe which has proven difficult only because I have to beat the husband away from the last remaining container of Chobani yogurt in the refrigerator.

I am wearing...the same $9 pair of Wal-Mart sweat pants I have been wearing since the beginning of Winter. They are more comfortable than anything I have ever worn. And a T-shirt I bought at Taranto's, a complete and total dive on a river in Mississippi. But they serve the best crawfish I have ever eaten.

I am creating...an illusion. I keep convincing people that I am okay, and I am, but not nearly as okay as my convincing facade. Someone told me the other day that I am always confident, which is true I suppose. The secret to confidence is just not giving a damn about what other people think. I have one being to whom I am responsible...my Creator, God in Heaven. After that, it doesn't really matter. BUT...that doesn't mean I never collapse into a blob of emotional wreckage, choking on my own tears as I try to understand the loss I experience.

I am going...to live in Germany in a two months. Assuming the Air Force clears me to move with my husband and they do so in a timely manner so as not to leave me in the states without him for a few months.

I am reading...Shelter. Had I known it was Science Fiction involving AIs and the anthropomorphizing of bots in the late 21st century, I NEVER would have bought it. But I did, only because the cover looked cool and it was on the $3 rack at Books-a-Million. I have actually thoroughly enjoyed it.

I am hoping...we actually sell the house before moving to Germany. We really don't want to carry it for a while after the move.

I am hearing...the dog beg for attention from the Alpha Male who just walked in the door for a lunch break.

Around the house...dog hair. We have a Pembroke Welsh Corgi, and she blows her coat twice a year, which is definitely better than shedding year-round.

One of my favorite things...Smoothie Sunday. We have no idea when this tradition started, but the hubs and I have had smoothies for dinner on Sunday for a couple years. It is, quite sadly, the highlight of our week.

A few plans for the rest of the week...the Exhale Conference for the youth group at church. I'm playing guitar for the worship team and have 5 songs to learn by Wednesday.

Here's a photo I am sharing...of one of our friends from Taranto's (he was delicious).

The Other is Gold

In elementary school, the summer between my fourth and fifth grade years, I moved to the other side of Decatur, Alabama, just one street over from my friend Caroline, who introduced me to Lisa, her best friend. We spent the next four months or so playing softball, tearing up the Slip-N-Slide, and apparently wearing really red lipstick...apparently. The jury is still out on that last one because the plaintiff has yet to offer any evidence.

Not soon after our friendship began, I moved to Birmingham. Understandably, we lost touch, but I never forgot Lisa or Caroline. In fact, I often wondered what they were up to, but this was long before every household had a computer, let alone the internet and Google.

My freshman year of college, I ended up at The University of Alabama, at Slutwiler Tutwiler Dorm, affectionately labeled, fo'teen flos o'hos (The name never did make any sense because even though the top floor was the 14th floor, superstition had led the contractors to skip the 13th floor altogether. Apparently Julia Tutwiler believed in omens, but didn't have the math skills to realize she built a building with 13 floors). Imagine my surprise when I realized that Caroline and Lisa were roommates on the same floor. Of course, by now, we all had our own interests...I was holed up in a practice room at The Moody Music building while Caroline was pre-med and theater (I think) and Lisa was becoming fluent in Spanish.

I ended up transferring, and understandably, we lost touch again.

A few years later, I was married and attending graduate school in Iowa. You see where this is going, right? Who should I meet in the church lobby one day? Lisa, now married, and also attending graduate school. And because God has a sense of humor, we found ourselves playing softball again. Imagine the jokes that ensued when I was on the pitcher's mound and Lisa was in the batter's box...again...over a decade later.

We were able to spend a little bit more time together over the next few years, but once again, I moved, this time to Georgia; but now, computers did exist in every home...and Facebook was reconnecting friends all across the world. As it turns out, Lisa and I live equi-distances from Atlanta...and once again, we were reunited.

I cannot surmise why our paths continue to cross. I can tell you that we share experiences and bonds that many women do not comprehend, contrary to their claims of understanding. I can tell you that over dinner last night...which lasted 4 hours and only ended because it was waaay past our bedtime and we all still had to drive 2 hours home...I realized that Lisa and I will always be friends...even if we lose contact for another 6 years...we will reconnect. And when we do, we will have dinner and great conversation that isn't interrupted or stifled by separation. Those years of lost contact will dissolve as soon as we meet again...and for that, I am grateful.

Only ifs, no ands or buts...random thoughts on my life right now

If you are trying to sell a house, and the Realtor never calls to show the house. Try not cleaning for a couple days. Works every time.

If you want to get mad at God, stop reading the Bible.

If you want to stay mad at God, don't go to the Easter Service.

If you have something planned, plan on something going wrong.

If someone is genuinely concerned about you, they will check on you. If they just want the gossip, they will check with everyone else.

If you don't like pollen, don't live in the South.

If you just mopped the floor, your dog will run through the kitchen with wet feet...over and over again.

If you want to get physically stronger, you must actually use your muscles.

If you want to get mentally smarter, you must actually use your brain.

If you want to upset someone, post a political status update on your Facebook profile.

If you want to mess with people, post an emotionally charged comment on someone else's.

If you don't want to be alone, you might actually have to leave the house.

If you thought yesterday's workout was tough, today's will be tougher.

If you want to laugh, read Chuck Norris jokes.

If you need a reason to be a Braves fan, watch this.

If you are wondering why I even bothered with this post, it's only because I haven't posted in a while.

Emotional Vomit

Mostly, this post serves one purpose: to keep me writing. I haven't done much writing since the world stopped spinning, and I simply don't want to forget how good it feels to write...even really crummy writing. I'm going to try and add cohesiveness to the randomness by posting my thoughts about various and sundry thoughts by categorizing them into emotions. We'll see how it works.

(Dear Lord, even that opening paragraph sounds like a 9^th grader who just learned how to use a thesaurus!)

Happy......Germany is only two months away. The move really can't get here soon enough.

Excited......One of my songs was selected for a Women's Worship Fellowship CD, a collection of original songs recorded live.

Comforted......that I can think about the boys without crying.

Ecstatic......my body is responding extremely well to Crossfit. When I started at the beginning of this month, I could only squat to 90 degrees and do 1 unmodified push-up. Yesterday, I squatted all the way to the ground (without letting the knees pass in front of the toes) and did 10 unmodified push-ups, and that was after we spent 40 minutes learning the split-jerk.

Thankful......for all the friends who have stuck around in the last month and still called or brought yeast rolls, or invited me to lunch or dinner (and weren't offended if I chose not to go simply because I felt like isolating).

Angry......I haven't quite figured out what I am angry at, but my therapist is glad I'm lifting heavy stuff at the gym to get rid of some of it.

Frightened......knowing that we will try and adopt again one day because even in the midst of the suck, we know that God has asked us to do so. But the process is ridiculously difficult...and the next time, we will fork over tens of thousands of dollars for a private agency because we understand now more than ever why so few people adopt through the screwed up system that is supposed to protect foster children in the states (ohhh...I just found some of that anger).

Sad......every time something about “family” comes up, which is a lot lately. The past two Sundays at church have been “Family Day” and “Baby Dedication Day.” Just about every documentary on television has been about parenting.

Annoyed......with P90x and how many people I know are buying into it. I've never tried it and I don't plan to for one simple reason: Like every other commercialized workout program, the focus is on appearance. Case in point: “I've never gotten so many comments from so many people about how fit I look” (italics added). “Just click 'YES' now to get ripped with P90x.” I am working on a post comparing P90x with Crossfit, so I'll save the full diatribe for that. For now, consider the reality that in spite of our supposed progress toward body acceptance, people are still body image focused...more concerned with what they look like than what they can do, which is why in the last 48 hours I have talked with one friend about his personal struggles in this area, another whose 10 year old daughter wants to “lose weight quick,” and learned from my therapist that more than one teenager has come in for therapy because a local gym trainer has given them steroids to get faster results.