I am a Crossfit Woman

A few months ago, I started seeing and hearing about Crossfit. I didn't know what it was, other than some workout program, and by the name, I assumed it was some Christian-based gym program...which made me immediately skeptical.

Oh how wrong I was.

I decided to check into this whole CF thing when I saw photos of friends on one of those social networking sites. It wasn't their buffness or thinness that attracted my attention. It was his baby daughter strapped to his back while he did pull-ups; and the crazy exercises like 20" box jumps (exactly what it sounds like people. Jumping onto a box that is 20" high...over and over); and the gym dogs (actual canines) who hung around the gym; and the pictures of little kids using kettlebells and doing squats and box jumps right along with their parents (how many gyms do you know that let children under 16 in?); and the fact that every Crossfit gym is basically just a skeleton warehouse with free weight equipment in it (no machines other than the rower).

Then the hubs actually did one of the workouts...and he wouldn't shut up about it. Not that I really wanted him to because I love seeing him get fired up about stuff. Then he started going to their website and watching videos and looking at pictures, and because I couldn't resist watching videos of people doing things I'd never heard of (a muscle up), I watched over his shoulder. And then I noticed something.

Maybe you noticed it, too.

Fern, the woman in the video...isn't your typical gym woman. I'd spent my life in gyms (and malls, and restaurants, and schools, and sitting in my own bedroom) trying to figure out how to "look" like the typical gym woman: too thin, make-up, improper technique, hours of cardio, etc. All it got me was 14 years of anorexia sub-type purging.

I started watching more of these videos on the Crossfit website of women doing these amazing things...and each one of them had a different body-type. And then the hubs found this article.

I was hooked. I have been a Crossfit woman for just under 3 weeks, but for the first time in over 2 decades, I'm not worried about my weight. For the first time ever, I walk into the gym and my self-esteem doesn't plummet because of all the "other" women there, but rather grows based on what I am about to accomplish. For the first time ever, I am focusing not on looking like someone, but on doing something. And for the first time ever, I actually FEEL my body getting more than just strong...it's functionable.

Now don't get me wrong...I can't do a muscle up (they recommend not even trying a muscle up until you can do 15 pull-ups and 15 dips). But one day, I will. And I'll post the video of it with some cool captions and killer mood music.

My first goal? One unassisted pull-up.

See you on youtube.

Red Tape

We have spoken with 2 congressmen, 2 senators, a governor, 2 agencies, and 4 attorneys. In addition, friends who know people involved with children's services in Georgia and other states, have asked for help. Friends have asked personal attorneys for advice and help with our situation. The answer is always the same.

What happened is a travesty. Someone should have looked at the bigger picture and seen that these boys were happy, healthy, and thriving; but they didn't. Legally, the boys cannot be placed back in their home.

It would seem the bureaucratic red tape is strong enough to bind reason, logic, and sensibility.

The question that remains is exactly what IS happening as a result of all this.

With our case:

We know nothing about the boys and where they are except that they are together and not in this city. Basically, as a result of policy, they were uprooted again, but this time, in addition to changing schools and homes, they changed cities.

They once had our last name. They now have their birth name.

They were enrolled in baseball. They are no longer part of their team.

They had a family. They are now in foster care...again.

We are scheduled to say goodbye to them tomorrow.

The Office of the Child Advocate (OCA), which exists to make sure that the Department of Family and Children Services (DFCS)*** really does serve the best interest of families, has called to let us know they are investigating.

The head of DFCS for the state called this week to say that her attempts to contact our county office have yielded nothing. It was a “courteous call” to let us know she hadn't forgotten about our case, but she has not been able to actually talk with anyone at the county office (Had I not been so emotionally spent at the time, I would have said something snarky like, “Welcome to the club”).

With us:

Emotionally, every day gets “easier.” The only thing keeping us sane is the strength we are given by the prayers of everyone who has rallied behind us and the truth that God knows, understands, defends, loves, holds, and controls everything.

I have begun the process for medical clearance with the military. Basically, that means I have filled out a ton of paperwork and had doctors and dentists fill out a ton of paperwork, and am waiting to appear before a panel of a doctor, a mental health professional, and some other person to discuss said paperwork and prove that I am medically capable of accompanying my husband on an overseas assignment.

We are trying to sell a house in a dying market. UGH!

We are trying to remember what it is like to be a family of two.

“I was made for this.”

That's what I told my therapist about one month after our boys came home. Now, in the aftermath of the disrupted placement, I'm remembering that meeting, and trying to figure out what happened. And I'm still trying to figure out how to live when the world just doesn't seem to be spinning correctly.

***Most states just call it the Department of Family Services. In light of our current reality, I find it interesting that Georgia distinguishes between family and children, as though they were two separate issues. Speaks volumes, people.

Susan G. Komen Donation Page

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How I Deal

I'm a song writer. I wouldn't venture to say I am a good one, but God ministers to me through music and words.

I tell you this not to float my boat, toot my own horn, or even shamelessly promote myself. I tell you this because I haven't been able to write anything since my whole world blew up three weeks ago. In that time, we have talked to 4 attorneys, 2 agencies, a congressman's aide and the governor's office. Because we admit to breaking the policy, we have no case. As such, our family of 2 that became a family of 5, is now a family of 2...again. We don't even really remember how that works, and honestly we feel like the world isn't quite spinning correctly.

The only thing we know for sure is that God is faithful. His love never fails. And we are holding him to His promise that He defends the cause of the orphan and is a father to the fatherless because our sons are back in foster care.

And since I really can't find words to express the grief that comes with losing my sons, I'll just post this video of my latest song. It's not a perfect video, but you'll get over it and the essence of the song is there.

He Is

I raise my hands up and lift up the name of Mighty God
I can't see in front of me but I believe He's worthy of this
I will cry out this praise loud and bow down and lay my crown at His feet
And rest in the given that He is my strength when I am weak

He's the only thing constant, the only thing sure
Nothing compares to his enduring love that remains
when the well has run dry
He lived and He died and bled mercy and grace
for the lonely who ache and the lost and afraid
the helpless, the hurting, the hopeless who call on His name

He is
He was
And He will be forever (mine)

Alpha Omega
Provider Sustainer
My Fortress My Shelter
My Rock and My Healer
My Savior Redeemer
My Grace all sufficient
My God and My King who is Risen

Holy and Righteous
Faithful and Matchless
My Witness My Father
My Judge and My Keeper
Spotless Perfection
My Soul's Resurrection
My God and My King who is Risen