Emotional Vomit

Mostly, this post serves one purpose: to keep me writing. I haven't done much writing since the world stopped spinning, and I simply don't want to forget how good it feels to write...even really crummy writing. I'm going to try and add cohesiveness to the randomness by posting my thoughts about various and sundry thoughts by categorizing them into emotions. We'll see how it works.

(Dear Lord, even that opening paragraph sounds like a 9^th grader who just learned how to use a thesaurus!)

Happy......Germany is only two months away. The move really can't get here soon enough.

Excited......One of my songs was selected for a Women's Worship Fellowship CD, a collection of original songs recorded live.

Comforted......that I can think about the boys without crying.

Ecstatic......my body is responding extremely well to Crossfit. When I started at the beginning of this month, I could only squat to 90 degrees and do 1 unmodified push-up. Yesterday, I squatted all the way to the ground (without letting the knees pass in front of the toes) and did 10 unmodified push-ups, and that was after we spent 40 minutes learning the split-jerk.

Thankful......for all the friends who have stuck around in the last month and still called or brought yeast rolls, or invited me to lunch or dinner (and weren't offended if I chose not to go simply because I felt like isolating).

Angry......I haven't quite figured out what I am angry at, but my therapist is glad I'm lifting heavy stuff at the gym to get rid of some of it.

Frightened......knowing that we will try and adopt again one day because even in the midst of the suck, we know that God has asked us to do so. But the process is ridiculously difficult...and the next time, we will fork over tens of thousands of dollars for a private agency because we understand now more than ever why so few people adopt through the screwed up system that is supposed to protect foster children in the states (ohhh...I just found some of that anger).

Sad......every time something about “family” comes up, which is a lot lately. The past two Sundays at church have been “Family Day” and “Baby Dedication Day.” Just about every documentary on television has been about parenting.

Annoyed......with P90x and how many people I know are buying into it. I've never tried it and I don't plan to for one simple reason: Like every other commercialized workout program, the focus is on appearance. Case in point: “I've never gotten so many comments from so many people about how fit I look” (italics added). “Just click 'YES' now to get ripped with P90x.” I am working on a post comparing P90x with Crossfit, so I'll save the full diatribe for that. For now, consider the reality that in spite of our supposed progress toward body acceptance, people are still body image focused...more concerned with what they look like than what they can do, which is why in the last 48 hours I have talked with one friend about his personal struggles in this area, another whose 10 year old daughter wants to “lose weight quick,” and learned from my therapist that more than one teenager has come in for therapy because a local gym trainer has given them steroids to get faster results.