When our 3 sons were placed in our home for adoption, we encountered many behavioral issues that we have yet to share. Now is the time to share those.
In school, they were threatening teachers, bullying and fighting peers and classmates, wandering off on school grounds, and refusing to follow basic safety measures at the school. They were failing academically.
Our two oldest sons were unresponsive to discipline measures we used, including the monster timeout. Though many of these measures would work for a week or two, old behaviors would resurface. These boys often retaliated to discipline by damaging our house and property and urinating on walls, floors, garbage cans, etc.
Our oldest son was physically aggressive with me. When Tim traveled, he often hit, kicked, and wrestled me, telling me he didn't have to do what I said. We tried everything. By the end, he was sleeping on the floor, with only enough clothes to fill a hamper.
Every time we approached The Department of Family and Children Services and asked what we were to do, they said, "We don't know. Figure out how to parent those boys." On the advice of our therapist and a veteran foster parent with whom DFCS had connected us, we began spanking. The change was instantaneous.
The defiance ceased. The boys began progressing in school. The principal, who has known our oldest since he was in alternative school 2 years ago, has said he is a completely different child. The teachers noted that our boys were improving. And the school knew the discipline measures we were using at home. They were supportive.
On Tuesday, for reasons about which we can only speculate, our oldest boys volunteered the information to the case worker. Our therapist believes it was an attempt on their part to regain control and to hurt us. The result was completely unexpected.
On Friday morning, DFCS removed our boys from our home and placed them back in foster care. By their own admission, they believe we are the best placement for the boys, but because we broke policy, they removed the boys.
The boys told the case worker that they STILL wanted to live here even though they were being spanked. DFCS still removed them.
The school principal told DFCS they were making the biggest mistake and jeopardizing our family. DFCS still removed them.
The Call:
We have no idea the difference it will make, but someone suggested a letter writing campaign. If you support our decision, and believe that DFCS has made a mistake, and you want to do more, write a letter.
All we ask is that you remain calm. Do not do or say anything that might further jeopardize the future of these boys, as we are currently speaking with attorneys about suing for custody. We still do not know if that is the route we will take, but if we do, your letters will greatly help our efforts.
Our boys deserve a forever family that provides an environment of love and safety; one that will allow them to succeed against the odds. We ARE that family.
Send your letters to:
Houston County DFCS
ATTN: Heidi Stollenwerck
92 Cohen Walker Drive
Warner Robins, Georgia 31088-2729
and/or contact Governor Sonny Purdue, an adoptive parent and advocate for adoption.
If you contact Governor Perdue, don't forget to mention that we are in Houston County. And here is another link to contact him.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.georgia.gov/00/gov/contact_us/0,2657,78006749_94820188,00.html
Tina and Tim,
ReplyDeleteI have written a letter to both DCFS and your govenor. I have included things about knowing you since we were in collge, about your total love for these kids, and the results of kids who don't have forever families. I am sure they know, but I discussed the fact that I teach in a high school special ed situation and see many cases EVERY day and that leaving them with you would be the best and most likely ONLY intervention that will make a difference for the boys. I am praying for both of you, for all the boys, and that God would intervene and do something that only God can do. Nothing is impossible, even it seems to be hopeless and impossible. I have prayed for you each of the last three nights and will continue to do so. If there is anything else I can do, PLEASE let me know.
Christy